[ad_1] Let me introduce you to a nice chap called Tom. A classic west London sort, he looks like he knows his way around a decent steak and kidney p
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Let me introduce you to a nice chap called Tom.
A classic west London sort, he looks like he knows his way around a decent steak and kidney pud, probably drives a mud-splattered Range Rover and his biggest concern seems to be if there might be any decent claret left in his Fulham cellar.
He also happens to be the stepson and son of King Charles and Queen Camilla.
What I always find delightful is the fact that Tom and his sister Laura Lopes might be children of a bona fide, actual-crown-to-her-name Queen, but by and large, they fly entirely under the radar.
They are not stalked by the press, they have day jobs and are entirely responsible for remembering bin night.
Which is what made the appearance of Tom, 48, with his royal mum and her other half at Ascot quite the surprise.
There was the well-respected food writer on Tuesday, doing a good bit of yelling at the gee-gees alongside the King and Queen. (I’m assuming Camilla had a ton on race number five).
And just like that, 8500km away, Tom’s stepbrother Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex’s hellish week after years of hellish weeks just got that much more brimstone-y.
Tom’s Ascot outing caps off what would have to be one of the roughest stretches for Harry, with so many things going wrong on so many fronts for him, I’m not even sure where to start here.
Maybe with his career seeming to have cratered? That he and wife Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex lost millions of dollars last week when Spotify dumped them? That questions are being raised over how much longer Netflix might want to be tied to the increasingly whiffy Brand Sussex? That back in the UK, the Home Office is “furious” with Harry’s courtroom foot stomping over his security which is set to cost taxpayers more than $1.8 million? That according to a new report he will “never be reconciled” with his father?
And now comes the cherry on this miserable sundae: estranged from his dad, now here is his stepbrother playing happy Royal Families.
The lesson we should all take away is just when things seem like they could not get any worse for the Sussexes, then hey presto! They can and often do. (It’s enough to think that Harry should invest in a rabbit’s foot, some new crystals and enough sage to start a brush fire).
Let’s start with Aitch’s career, a novel concept he only got around to becoming acquainted with at age 35, having previously only ever had two jobs – army, working HRH – and both working for his Granny.
For a while there, things looked smashing for the Sussexes professionally. The big deals! The huge contracts! The dollar figures attached to everything so large they would have made Prince William choke on his morning coddled egg!
Except that in the years since then, Harry and Meghan have discovered that despite their adjacency to the British throne, large entertainment companies still want them to, prepare yourself, actually do some work.
They want them to actually produce something besides reams of emails with typos in “compassion” and grandiose claims about how they are going to inspire the masses any minute now.
Last week, Spotify parted ways with the duke and duchess, with only Meghan ever having managed to get around to recording a series for them. (And man, what a series that was, an intellectually bereft example of wannabe-feminist shaped noise that took a 28 person team – really – to make).
Over the weekend came the first stirrings about the Sussexes’ future with Netflix, with The Sun reporting that the billion-dollar behemoth is “unlikely to renew” their deal.
A source said: “There is a less friendly attitude from some at the top. The feeling is that the lemon has been fully squeezed”.
If the entertainment giant was to also cut the cash cord with the couple, then what the dickens would they do? They need to be earning many millions a year in “basic” living costs, having saddled themselves with a 16-toilet monster of a faux-Tuscan estate.
And yet, which companies with pockets deep enough to do business with the Sussexes would be eager to be associated with them?
More than 40 months on from Megxit, the Sussex name is synonymous with family dysfunction, unhappiness and a low general whine that never seems to end – hardly the vibe that sells midsize family cars or dog food or whatever the hell a snack cake is.
Having spent years having a prolonged tantrum* about the royal family, the Sussexes have managed to not make any real inroads philanthropically or to achieve anything of real note off their own bats. (*Making the occasional good point).
The duke and duchess have yet to demonstrate any talent or creativity or any real skill set aside from their ability to emote from greige sofas while red recording lights flash.
If corporate America isn’t thrilled with Harry, then the sorts back at the Home Office in the UK are reportedly even more upset with the defector duke.
The Sun, via a freedom of information request, has discovered that Harry’s legal challenge to the decision by the Metropolitan Police to no longer provide him with security will cost taxpayers $1.8 million (£1 million). Even if the Home Office prevails, he will not be forced to pay costs due to an “unspecified loophole”.
Meanwhile, the current state of things between the Duke of Sussex and His Majesty sounds like it’s going from bad to uh-oh-everything-is-on-fire worse.
Tom Sykes in the Daily Beast has reported that friends of the King and Queen “suspect the two will never be reconciled”.
One regal pal told Sykes: “There is no plan for Harry and Charles to meet. There might have been a chance of reconciliation had it not been for the book. But Charles was dismayed and deeply hurt by what Harry said about him and about Camilla in his book”.
Given this situation, those photos of Tom Parker Bowles yucking it up with Charles take on a whole new salt-in-the-wound dynamic.
But let’s pause here and zoom out. Let me ask you – what is going right for Harry and Meghan right now?
In May, what should have been a PR slam dunk – the done-up glam duchess collecting a gong in New York – became an absolute disaster after they claimed they were involved in a “near catastrophic” paparazzi chase. The city’s mayor and police department failed to back up their claims.
Also last month, as the couple marked their five-year anniversary, the Telegraph reported that, according to “the owner of a leading hotel chain in Montecito”, the establishment has “a room set aside for Harry where he occasionally stays on his own” and that the secretive members club San Vincente Bungalows is Harry’s “escape place”. (A representative for the Sussexes denied the claims).
Then, while the Sussexes might have gotten prince and princess titles for their children, the royal family blanked both Archie and Lili on their recent birthdays. (Incredibly bad form Charles!)
Royal biographer Christopher Wilson recently reported that Harry’s book deal “requires him to produce at least one more book, and soon”. I am truly at a loss about what he could write about that would sell unless he dredges up more royal drama.
It’s at this point I should get into Harry’s 87 various courtroom fights as he does battle with the British media, but news.com.au has only so much server space.
So, I’ll ask again. Aside from the fact that Harry and Meghan have two adorable kids, what is actually coming up Sussex?
And did Tom Parker Bowles win a tenner on the last race of the day?
The way things are going for Aitch, he probably took home the trifecta.
Daniela Elser is a royal expert and freelance writer with 15 years’ experience who has written for some of Australia’s best print and digital media brands.
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